Fanackapan

Archive for the ‘Drinking’ Category

Sick and tired of having a calm and sound mindset?

Drink at the King’s and talk to this man… He’ll soon change that!

Come on Mr Quiz Master, tell us what you really think! …and don’t mince your words!

Whenever new songs are suggested for the Keep The Drummer Happy set list I either scream with fear at the thought of doing them, or get pretty excited to the point of ejaculating. One of the ones I personally hate doing is Talking Heads Road To Nowhere. Simply because the original’s depressing as hell and KTDH tend to turn it into a ‘horse opera’ (if they ever remade Rawhide our version would make a pretty good theme tune replacement). That’s my opinion on that, but fucking HOTEL CALIFORNIA! Let me think… No male vocalist, no keyboard, …and The Eagles had two guitarists both equipped with double necks. You do not want to see the state of the underpants I’ve just had to throw out because of the mere suggestion. Alas here I sit patiently going through the guitar solo and trying to make it work on a single guitar neck instead of four – I’m a nervous wreck and to make it all a bit worse I haven’t got any booze. Bugger.

On the plus side of things we are going to attempt Crosstown Traffic, that’s my sanctum at the moment.

Rant over, in other news it was Legalmaid Juniors’ birthday on Friday (many happy returns) and Thursday saw her being treated to a drink by resident drummer Animal at the Boathouse in Saltaire. Both had a joyous time and to show how much they treasure their mutual friendship, they set about compiling a compilation CD titled “THE INFAMOUSLY BEYOND BELIEF BRILLIANT TIM AND JOSIE MIXTAPE WHICH IS ACTUALLY A CD”.

They only had one problem – Neither of them knew how to get the songs downloaded for free, let alone burn them to an audio format disc.

Enter Fanackapan.

I have done them the disc. However, track 9 sees the inclusion of ‘The Birdie Song‘ by The Tweets and I fear you shall be hearing it in the King’s shortly, maybe tomorrow or Monday perhaps. So, if they are both there could the RHQM do me the favour of instructing the bar staff to crank up track 9 and keep your eye on their faces. Unfortunately I can’t be with you, I’m saving to go on holiday! But! If I do perchance on an irate phone call from Animal, I will record it for your entertainment.

Peace x

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PS: Don’t tell anyone (they don’t read this site often, I can tell by the ip hits)

Cassette Boys Youtube Channel…

Greetings fellow readers…. many regulars at the King’s haven’t seen yours truly for aeon’s. I am not dead. I am not avoiding people*.  I have not emigrated. I haven’t even won the lottery and got myself shacked up with the most beautiful buxom bird the planet has ever laid eyes on**… The truth is boring. Saving money for imminent car insurance renewal, MOT expiry and what will be an interesting adventure in Crete with the ever thoughtful Dribbly have all cast shadows on fund-age… Even the RHQM has been worried, as Mr. Woo informed me today on a flyby visit to the King’s, he’s calculated on average they’re taking for 65 pints of Carling per week less in my absence. Ah well… status quo shall be underway in the not too distant.

*may not be true.

**I fucking wish.

Alas as per usual I do have some news to report about something, and sometimes articles on here get me in trouble. So…

Disclaimer: I mean no harm! I thought it was funny. It wasn’t my idea to record the argument. It wasn’t my idea to put it on here!

During a brief visit to the King’s today, I was quite humoured by the grumpy corner when Hutchy asked Mr Woo for a Gill whilst sat comfortably engrossed in conversation. Here is the argument that ensued…

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…the unfathomable Mr. Woo strikes again…

A: Pelt them with Rice Crispies

B: Smash them in the teeth with a Croquet Mallet

C: Shit Yourself

D: Shoot Yourself

Answers on a postcard to the King’s Arms…BD9 4BB

For the delights of regular drinkers at the Kings I have sourced footage of Dribbly at a meager 16 years old. “How did you manage that?”
Simple. The idiot gave it to me. I cannot describe to you the nightmare that encompassed my dreams, bedsheets and wellbeing after viewing… like a descending incubus of thought, images that shock the pysch to the point of no return… (no audio on any by the way)

And just as a treat and suprise for the fragrant Mrs. RHQM… this was on the same reel… a man intent on going somewhere…

There’s been much speculation in the King’s… how the hell does Mr Woo manage to get himself a woman to throw up on? After much research I’m pleased to inform that Old Heatonian and Fanackapan have collaborated and found video evidence of Mr Woo’s chat up techniques! We’re both sure that you’ll all learn a disastrous lesson. Please do not hesitate to ask him about his skills, he’ll tell you how it’s done straight away!

I often ponder about the whereabouts and mindset of my good friend and acquaintance of the past 10 or so years. Gruff is the man responsible for teaching me everything I have forgotten over this period. We’ve done everything together… once I completely tidied his front room, and once he threw me down the stairs for a giggle. I’ve been on fire, force fed Viagra, been in various states of stupor all in the name of a good laugh and wouldn’t change it for the world…

On going up to his castle for a few drinks I discovered him sat in the dark waiting, bored and drunk.

“What the hell are you doing Gruff?”
“I was awaiting your arrival young squire… I’ve made you a video.”

Have a look at said video and ask yourself… what is inside the mind of Sir Charles Grufferson?